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Democrats' War on Terror Strategy FAQ
Posted by Frank J. at 11:40 AM

Many people have wondered whether the Democrats have a strategy for dealing with terrorists. In fact, they do, and we here at IMAO have obtained this FAQ which details out this new and inventive strategy:

DEMOCRATS' WAR ON TERROR STRATEGY FAQ

Q. What is the Democrats' strategy for the War on Terror... I mean, other than raising the minimum wage and other gay things?

A. I'm glad you asked that. Ours is a spectacular strategy designed to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies. Imagine you're a terrorist in Iraq, angry at the world because of the lack of concern of climate change, and you head out to attack the American forces. When you reach their camp, though, you find... nothing!

Q. What? Where did the Americans go?

A. Yes, that's exactly what the terrorist will ask himself. "There were supposed to be Americans here!" he'll say. "But now there is no one! It's like something out of the Twighlight Zone!"

Q. Do they even have Twlighlight Zone reruns in the Middle East?

A. You're missing the point! Think of how devastating it will be to our enemies when they see how we can just disappear at will. They'll fear us like gods!

Q. I dunno. This sounds a lot like a "cut and run" strategy.

A. But it's not! It's a "Ninja Magic" strategy! You know how ninjas can suddenly throw down a smoke bomb and then just vanish? That's what the American military will be like! They'll be just like ninjas, and everyone is scared of ninjas.

Q. Chuck Norris isn't.

A. Yes, but, in Islamic culture, there is no equivalent of Chuck Norris. They will be defenseless to our ninja ability to suddenly disappear!

Q. I thought the reason people fear ninjas is more due to how ninjas fight with swords and kung fu and throwing stars?

A. We're not emulating those aspects of the ninja. The ability of a ninja to magically disappear is much more difficult and impressive, anyway.

Q. I still don't see how this is going to scare away terrorists. How will this stop them from attacking us on American soil?

A. If we can disappear in foreign countries so quickly, won't we be able to disappear even more easily on our home turf? The terrorists will fear that, if they come to America to attack a city, it will be completely empty as soon as they get here. It will totally freak them out!

Q. We're going to run away...

A. Magically disappear like ninjas.

Q. We're going to "magically dissappear like ninjas" from our own homes if the terrorists attack?

A. It will take the support of the American people to intimidate the terrorists like this. Everyone will need to keep a suitcase packed.

Q. When the terrorists see us "disappear" every time they attack, won't they consider that a victory over us?

A. That's ridiculous! When a magician disappears at a magic show, do you think you won a "victory" over him? Of course not. That's stupid. You're stupid for suggesting it.

Q. Still, shouldn't a strategy for dealing with terrorists involve like... you know... shooting at them or something?

A. That was the old strategy. The old strategy has failed. The Democrats want to win, so we're not going to use old methods that fail. Instead, we're going to use our Ninja Magic strategy that is new and proven by logic to work. If you want to continue failing like a fool, vote Republican. If you want to disappear like a ninja, vote Democratic.

I Suck

I definately just failed Brendan's geography test - oh yes, yes I did. He showed me a picture of a place in the world and I had to identify it. Let's just say on the latest question, I was like two continents off. Sigh. But just to let you know, I most def. failed the state capitals test when I was 13. I also got like a 77 on the "label the New England States" quiz in 7th grade.

So you may think I'm dumb...but I think I'm consistent.

And that's what American's like.