Worst Idea EVER

One of my fellow law school compatriots just sent me an email in which she inquired: Is it bad that I'm pulling my eye brow hairs out with my fingernails? I've pulled out like 15 so far...

To which I replied NOTHING I repeat NOTHING is a worse idea then these stupid markers. Don't even get me started. Or better yet, get me started the day AFTER my War Crimes Exam.

Now; after having been told this, my friend wrote the following correspondence:
Dude- I have an original box of the multicultural crayons that they first came out with in ’92 when my mom was at a teachers convention. We laughed at them at the time, but there are days when I’m drawing people where I really crave my mulitcult colors.

While this may seem a reasonable response, I would JUST like to take this moment to point out SHE is not named after a Southwestern Decor Motif, a type of Pottery, or the color of all the overpasses in El Paso [or for that matter, the dirt in Abilene]. I am TERRA COTTA colored.

Hurumph.

But white people are "porcelin" colored. Sorry I AM NOT NAMED AFTER FINE CHINA OR CUTE LITTLE HARLEQUIN DOLLS. I am apparantly, ugly dust colored that you wipe off the cute little porcelin doll's size 6 feet.

As if life Couldn't get any more hectic

This is the email we all go this morning from Public Safety.

There has been a major water main break on Pacific Coast Highway, approximately one quarter mile east of Big Rock.

The break has damaged both eastbound lanes of Pacific Coast Highway, leaving a large hole 30 foot x 30 foot hole. Traffic on Pacific Coast Highway will be routed to the two westbound lanes, with one lane for traffic in each direction. Expect traffic delays.

It is estimated that repair work will take about one week to complete.

I think "traffic delays" is the understatement of the year. Have you SEEN L.A. traffic NORMALLY? oh man...

Schedule

I hate my life


8:00am: Wake-Up & Thank God for giving me another day, then curse him it wasn't the day AFTER my Evidence Final.
9:00am: Leave for physical therpay - cut someone off on the 101 on the way there because I forgot the elements of the Prior Inconsistent Statement Exception
10:00am: Therapy - bore my therapist to tears reciting the test for proper Notice & Comment under the Federal Administrative Procedure Act
11:00 am: Drive home from therapy - cut someone else off because my therapist clearly retaliated against me cause he doesn't like the Federal APA...
12:00pm: Shower while reciting all the ways to Authenticate Evidence under Federal Rule 901(b)...
1:00pm: Student's Guide to Hearsay
1:30pm: Study break and Golden Girls
2:00pm Cali Lesson - boy these things make you feel dumb
3:00pm: Goodbye Hearsay, Hello Character Evidence!!!
4:30pm: Call Dad
5:00pm: Check my facebook account...YES NEW PHOTOS!
5:30pm: Bye-Bye Character Evidence, Hello Best Evidence Rule
7:00pm: Call Minister
8:00pm: Look @ Practice Test
9:00pm: Toy with blowing up TWEN headquarters
10:00pm: Write a practice essay
1100pm: South Park
12:00am Pray to wake up; hopefull sometime next week..

If you can relate fellow law students, POST A COMMENT

Dallas Cowboys Bible

Ok, I posted this in September because I had hopes we wouldn't lose. Then we started sucking and I was sad. But behold, there comes under the star of Bethlehem, a savior which is TONY ROMO!!

Thus again I shall post the sacred text, and ask if anyone has found the Dead NFL Scrolls which contain the prophesy foretold of the one that would revive us to the grand days of the triplets, PLEASE alert the great scribes Ryan Thomas and Joshua Massingill so that the new chapter can be recorded.


Dallas Cowboys Bible


The following is a list of excerpts from the Dallas Cowboys Bible (copyright 2003 by Josh Massingill and Ryan Thomas). Please note: these are intended to be humorous – don’t take them too seriously, and please don’t be offended.

Enjoy!
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In the beginning was Emmit. And Emmit was with God and Emmit was nearly God. He was sent to Earth to show man the way to the end zone.

And the angel said unto Mrs. Smith "You are to have a son. You will name him Emmit. He is the one that has come to reconcile the Dallas Cowboys." Mrs. Smith had difficulty believing this as she was old and barren, but to her surprise, she was soon with child. The Lord had fulfilled the prophecy of Tom Landry "Out of Florida will come Dallas's most mighty player. He will adorn the number 22 and become to the all-time rushing leader."

As the Cowboys spited the evil 49ers to march into the land God promised them, Steve Young cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi Eloi, llama cowboint mei oth plaicthani" which means, "My God, My God, why couldn't you have let me play for the Cowboys?"

Thus, at that time, the Lord ordered the lyrics to "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" be changed to "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be 49ers." And it was good.

In the second year of the reign of Jimmy Johnson the archangel Tom Landry appeared before the Buffalo Bills in the locker room before the 93 Super Bowl. "Evil are your ways oh Bills! Woe to you! Woe to the Buffalo Bills. You are destined to lose every super bowl you ever make it to forever and ever.”

…and the bills wept.

…then the Lord blessed the Cowboys and all their followers by giving them the best stadium in the world, and the hottest cheerleaders in Heaven and on Earth, they are disease free forever and ever amen.

Jimmy pled with the Chief of the Dallas drug enforcement office where Michael was being held saying "let my people go!" But again the Chief said no. Because of this the Lord unleashed the plague of bad publicity on the city.

Jerry replied to the questioning fans, "What business have you claiming I am a 'meddling owner'? Was it not I that handpicked Jimmy Johnson to be coach in 92? Was it not I that suggested the drafting of Troy Aikman? You brute of vipers!"

…and the Lord said to those who blasphemed against Jimmy Johnson, "Surely you will never see the promised land. The Cowboys will wander in the hot, nasty desert of Losing Seasons for 40 games before they will be allowed to enter the Promised Land"

Deion Sanders then continued to sign multiple-year contracts with every team in the league, systematically suffering "injuries" which rendered him useless to the signing team. He now works for CBS.

And the Lord had mercy on the honorable Troy Aikman, and took him out of football peacefully so he wouldn't have to experience the pain of a mid-season 'death'. Also, the Lord presented him with many car dealerships to supplement the income he was used to.

And then the false prophet Dave Campo attempted to take control of the Lord's team for himself. God spited him and his entire family for that offense, or should we say "lack of offense".

Two of Jerry Jones' spies reported back to him that there was a great evil army in the south known as the "Texans". Jones commanded that the Cowboys go forth to Houston and crush the Philistine Texans and reclaim their title as "America's Team". But the cowboys had done evil in the eyes of the Lord and thus suffered a humiliating defeat in the 2002 season opener by the philistine expansion team. It was not until the following season that the Lord's team was able to crush the evil Texans.

Using injuries, dropped passes, bad calls, and incompetent players, God cursed the House of Jones for many seasons. The Cowboys wondered why God would curse his team. Then they cast lots and realized it was because He hated Dave Campo, so he was thrown into the fiery furnace of retirement. Later, God presented the Cowboys with Bill Parcells, telling his people, "Using a revamped roster, and old school coaching style, he will lead you to the Promised Land"

And as it was announced that Bill Parcells would be the head coach of the Cowboys, the clouds opened up, and a loud voice said, "This is my prophet with whom I am well pleased." and the people knew that the prophet Bill was the real deal and thousands scrambled to give money back to God in the form of Cowboy's season tickets.

While Bill Parcells was up on the mountain still receiving the new playbook from the Lord - the evil fans plead with the Texan millionaires saying, "What shall we do? We have no winning team?" So they made themselves an idol in the shape of a calf (the team symbol of the Texans) and bowed and prayed to it. When Bill returned and found this he was so angry he smashed the first playbook on the ground.

But Emmit would never see the return of the glory days in Dallas as he was vanished from the land of milk and honey to the desert wastelands of Arizona to play for the Cardinals. Troy Hambrick then stood before the team in the locker room and said, "Choose for you this day whom you will play for. But as for me and my family, we will serve the Dallas Cowboys."

May the Lord bless his team forever and ever, amen.

Da Boys Are Back!!

It's finals time again, and nothing would please me more than for the Federal Rules of Evidence to go up in a billow of smoke. But alas, as I study for my exams which are at this point all but inevitably coming [barring a miracle from God...I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME BIG DUDE], the only thing that makes me smile is one thought - the thought that is first in my head and first on my tounge when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I thank God for in my prayers before I go to bed. And that thought, ladies and gents, is this: DA BOYS ARE BACK BABY!!

That is all :-)

Hard To Believe It's True

Mickey Spagnola - Email
DallasCowboys.com Columnist
November 27, 2006 6:26 PM
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IRVING, Texas - Almost makes you wants to pinch yourself, doesn't it, just to make sure this all is not some sort of fantasy.

Because there sure seems to be Sugar Plum Fairies dancin' out here at The Ranch these days.

I mean, the Cowboys win three straight, and four of their last five.

The Giants lose three straight, and three of their last five.

The Eagles lose quarterback Donovan McNabb, and five of their last six games.

The Panthers lose to Washington, and three of their last five.

The Falcons lose four straight, and five of their last seven.

The Vikings managed to win one Sunday, interrupting their four-game losing streak.

The Saints managed to win one Sunday, now giving them just two wins in their past five games.

The Seahawks must play Green Bay Monday night, but knowing they go into the game having lost three of their past five.

And the Chicago Bears, winners of their first seven games, now stand 9-2, losing Sunday, their second in the past four games.

Good gosh almighty. Is this stuff for real?

The Cowboys, at 7-4, with a one-game lead over the New York Giants (6-5) in the NFC East and a two-game lead over the Philadelphia Eagles (5-6)?

The Cowboys, going into Monday night's game with Seattle (6-4) playing Green Bay, tied now with only the New Orleans Saints (7-4) for the second-best record in the NFC, and obviously the Seahawks could join them by beating the Packers?

The Cowboys, just two games behind the suddenly struggling Bears for the top record in the NFC, and tied with the Saints, Chiefs and Broncos for the sixth-best record in the entire NFL?

And to think, after seven weeks of play the Cowboys stood a mediocre 3-3, having just lost two of the last three, including that Monday night, nationally-televised embarrassment to the New York Giants. To think everyone was pulling their hair out, figuring Bill Parcells was on his last leg in Dallas; Terrell Owens was far more trouble than he was worth; the defensive coordinator didn't know squat about pressure defense; the offensive line was indeed offensive; the safeties couldn't save Christmas; and the fate of the team was in the hands of a fourth-year quarterback with nary a start under this NFL chinstrap.

Amazing.

What has happened since the Cowboys stood 3-3?

Well, as for the rest of the NFC, check this out: The eight other teams that headed into the Week 12 games with at least 5-5 records have now combined to go 16-23 since the Cowboys were 3-3, and only two, Chicago (3-2) and San Francisco (3-2), have played above .500 these past five weeks, with Seattle (2-2) having a chance if it beats Green Bay Monday night.

So when you hear the Cowboys are the hottest team in the NFC, that would be correct. They have gone 4-1, and are within one block on that field goal at Washington of 5-0.

But if you remember, the indicators were there back then that the Cowboys going on such a hot streak was possible. They just had to change two things: Turnovers and sacks, and it certainly appears they did so when Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells made the decision to change quarterbacks, benching Drew Bledsoe in favor of the unproven and inexperienced Tony Romo.

So far, so good.

The Cowboys' quarterbacks had been sacked 18 times over the first six games. Now, just six in the past five games.

As important, if not more, the Cowboys had committed 14 turnovers in the first six games, including Romo's three, second-half interceptions against the Giants. But in the past five games, all starts by Romo, the young prodigy has only been intercepted twice and the Cowboys have lost only one fumble (his).

Don't ever underestimate this: The Cowboys' turnover differential after six games was minus-2, tying them for 21st in the NFL. Today, the Cowboys are tied for fifth with three other teams at plus-8. That means in these past five games, the Cowboys are a plus-10.

And it's not as if they suddenly have gone on a takeaway tear to forge this difference. They have 13 in the past five games. They had 12 in the first six. So not huge.

But here is the difference in all this: Nine of the 14 turnovers in the first six games led to points by the opponent; six touchdowns and three field goals, totaling 51 points, and let's not forget Romo was responsible for 17 of those points in the second half of the 36-22 loss to the Giants.

Yet here over the past five games, the Cowboys have only aided and abetted the opponent to just seven points on turnovers - off the interception at Carolina. That's it. Just seven points. So with one game to go, that's a difference of 44 points. So, huge.

How huge? Well, at the six-game mark, the Cowboys had outscored their opponents by 41 points, 169-128. In the past five games, the Cowboys have outscored their opponents by 70 points, 140-70, and right now have a 309-198 advantage, or 111 points. Only Chicago and San Diego have a larger differential.

There are more numbers to suggest this Cowboys' 7-4 record, which certainly could be at least 9-2 if not for all the point-costing turnovers the first half of the season, is not a mirage.

The Cowboys' 309 points is tops in the NFC and ranks second in the NFL, behind only San Diego's 353 points.

The Cowboys' 198 points against rank second in the NFC to only Chicago (137), and are tied for fifth in the NFL.

Only Chicago (34) and Baltimore (29) have more takeaways than the Cowboys' 25.

The Cowboys' red-zone, touchdown-scoring percentage of 62.8 leads the NFC and is fourth in the NFL.

The Cowboys' 49-percent third-down conversion rate tops the NFC, and is second only to Indy's other-worldly 56.7.

The Cowboys are the only team in the NFL with its offense and defense ranked in the top five, both ranked fourth going into the Monday night game, and just one of three teams to have its offense and defense ranked in the top 10, San Diego fourth and ninth, while New England is seventh and sixth.

The Cowboys also own the NFC's leading scorer among non-kickers, backup running back Marion Barber now with 66 points, which includes a conference-high nine rushing touchdowns. Third would be none other than wide receiver Terrell Owens with 50 points.

Then there is Romo, leading the NFL with a 110.8 quarterback rating. Now granted he has only 180 passing attempts, which is 199 fewer than Peyton Manning (100.2), 174 fewer than Carson Palmer (99.9) and a whopping 233 fewer than Drew Brees (97.8), and hey, no one would argue more at-bats don't make a difference.

But Romo also leads the NFC in three other categories: Completion percentage (69.4), percentage of touchdown passes (7.2) and, to me this one is what's big, average gain per attempt (9.2) - the latter two also leading the NFL.

Uncanny.

Oh, and there is one other thing, and shhhhh, don't tell Bill I said this, and for good measure maybe you ought to knock on some serious wood to cover me, but the Cowboys have to lead the NFL in this category 11 games into the season: Only three starts missed due to injury. That's all season now. The Giants had more than that just on Sunday.

All this for real?

Hmmm, them Wooden Soldiers ought to be parading by any day now