Oh MAN!!

How many times have I told you guys that IMAO.us is the BEST website ever? If you believe me not, read this:



Democrats' War on Terror Strategy FAQ
Posted by Frank J. at 11:40 AM

Many people have wondered whether the Democrats have a strategy for dealing with terrorists. In fact, they do, and we here at IMAO have obtained this FAQ which details out this new and inventive strategy:

DEMOCRATS' WAR ON TERROR STRATEGY FAQ

Q. What is the Democrats' strategy for the War on Terror... I mean, other than raising the minimum wage and other gay things?

A. I'm glad you asked that. Ours is a spectacular strategy designed to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies. Imagine you're a terrorist in Iraq, angry at the world because of the lack of concern of climate change, and you head out to attack the American forces. When you reach their camp, though, you find... nothing!

Q. What? Where did the Americans go?

A. Yes, that's exactly what the terrorist will ask himself. "There were supposed to be Americans here!" he'll say. "But now there is no one! It's like something out of the Twighlight Zone!"

Q. Do they even have Twlighlight Zone reruns in the Middle East?

A. You're missing the point! Think of how devastating it will be to our enemies when they see how we can just disappear at will. They'll fear us like gods!

Q. I dunno. This sounds a lot like a "cut and run" strategy.

A. But it's not! It's a "Ninja Magic" strategy! You know how ninjas can suddenly throw down a smoke bomb and then just vanish? That's what the American military will be like! They'll be just like ninjas, and everyone is scared of ninjas.

Q. Chuck Norris isn't.

A. Yes, but, in Islamic culture, there is no equivalent of Chuck Norris. They will be defenseless to our ninja ability to suddenly disappear!

Q. I thought the reason people fear ninjas is more due to how ninjas fight with swords and kung fu and throwing stars?

A. We're not emulating those aspects of the ninja. The ability of a ninja to magically disappear is much more difficult and impressive, anyway.

Q. I still don't see how this is going to scare away terrorists. How will this stop them from attacking us on American soil?

A. If we can disappear in foreign countries so quickly, won't we be able to disappear even more easily on our home turf? The terrorists will fear that, if they come to America to attack a city, it will be completely empty as soon as they get here. It will totally freak them out!

Q. We're going to run away...

A. Magically disappear like ninjas.

Q. We're going to "magically dissappear like ninjas" from our own homes if the terrorists attack?

A. It will take the support of the American people to intimidate the terrorists like this. Everyone will need to keep a suitcase packed.

Q. When the terrorists see us "disappear" every time they attack, won't they consider that a victory over us?

A. That's ridiculous! When a magician disappears at a magic show, do you think you won a "victory" over him? Of course not. That's stupid. You're stupid for suggesting it.

Q. Still, shouldn't a strategy for dealing with terrorists involve like... you know... shooting at them or something?

A. That was the old strategy. The old strategy has failed. The Democrats want to win, so we're not going to use old methods that fail. Instead, we're going to use our Ninja Magic strategy that is new and proven by logic to work. If you want to continue failing like a fool, vote Republican. If you want to disappear like a ninja, vote Democratic.

I Suck

I definately just failed Brendan's geography test - oh yes, yes I did. He showed me a picture of a place in the world and I had to identify it. Let's just say on the latest question, I was like two continents off. Sigh. But just to let you know, I most def. failed the state capitals test when I was 13. I also got like a 77 on the "label the New England States" quiz in 7th grade.

So you may think I'm dumb...but I think I'm consistent.

And that's what American's like.

My Prayer Tonight

How long, O Lord? WIll you forget me forever
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes...

Pslam 13:1-3

No Matter Where I Go - It's Still There

The human mind is an odd creature - with all the power and mysticism surrounding it; even with all it's potential, a broken heart it can't forget.


Portrait of An Apology
Jars of Clay


Look what I've done
This picture I've painted
It looks like my heart
Or what still remains

Convinced of the weight
Your interpretations
Are not what I see
I wish they could be

I remember it much redder
I remember it much brighter

Can you stay for a while
Try to imagine this
Could you be for a while
I can't remember it
Could you fall for a while
I can't escape from this

I'll try to explain
The way that the frame
Doesn't quite fit the image
Or surround the edge

It stands on display
What do you see?
Behold all the new grey
What's become of the old me

I remember it much redder
I remember it much brighter

Can you stay for a while
Try to imagine this
Could you be for a while
I can't remember it
Could you fall for a while
I can't escape from this

Calling, crying, ashamed of what I am not
Really failing, falling into this cage and I can't escape
I can't escape

Look what I've done
This picture I've painted
Doesn't quite fit
Or surround the edge
I remember it much redder

Can you stay for a while
Try to imagine this
Could you be for a while
I can't remember it
Could you fall for a while
I can't escape from this

I can't escape, I can't escape, I can't escape

Quote

Best quote of the week:

"No self-respecting Hispanic could shop at a store called 'Banana Republic.' That would be just like a Japanesse person shopping at a store called 'Internment Camp'."

I Don't Know What I Would Say To Him

When We Two Parted
-Lord Byron

WHEN we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow -
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me -
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

I Can't Go - I Have Trial Team

Ok so I feel like this whole facebook group thing is out of hand. I'm reading my news feed a few days ago and my friends back in ol' A-Town have created a Facebook Group called "I Can't Go I have Rehursal" and I thought to myself. That's true - I feel that

But then I thought I need a group too. I should make one - and it would be called "I Can't Go - I Got Trial Team". Then the question is...ok then um where the group for "I Can't Join Anymore Facebook Groups - It Makes My Profile Page Too Long."

This is so fun - an exercise in Threat Construction [for all you debaters out there].


In other news I really can't go.

I got Trial Team.