Today we focused on violence against women in our symposium and it got me thinking, or rather reflecting on some real-life applications [or recent events] if you will. I'll tell you what really roasts my grits - when Men get away with behavior that women are villanized for, at women's expense. Let's take the issue of Domestic Violence. Domestic Violence is the abuse of trust for control. Domestic Violence extends farther than hitting your girlfriend, beating your fiance, or raping your wife. It extends to manipulation of women for control. When men lie and say they love a woman while fully intending to cheat on her or do her wrong - it's abusive of trust for control. The use of the words "I love you" or "I want to marry you" or "I want to be with you forever" or "I will follow you anywhere" when he doesn't really mean it are used to keep a woman close by, keep her on lock so to speak so that a man gets to keep his security blanket.
It is used to allow a man access to thing a conservative christian woman wouldn't ever let a man have access to - most of all her innermost thoughts, feelings, dreams, and trust - so that he can feel better about himself. These men want the GOOD that comes from being with a good woman - but they want it at a discount.
What's perhaps even more cruel is when the woman gives in - her "man" has already cheated on her or lied to her or beaten her and so she starts out doing all she can to tell him no - she tells him to leave her alone because she can't ever trust him and he begs you for another chance.
LISTEN UP WOMEN: He begs you to believe him begs you to love him and begs you to SAY OUT LOUD that you BELIEVE him and BELIEVE that he is telling the truth. He wants you to SAY OUT LOUD that yes, you'll be there for him to that YES you love him. He wants you to SAY OUT LOUD that yes you want to marry him because then HE'S GOT YOU.
LISTEN UP VICTIMS: He can manipulate you anyway he wants - once he raises a hand ONE TIME you're his if you don't walk away. If you don't make it known his behavior is not acceptable the first time he disrespects you that way it's over because he doesn't think you have the nerve to say TO YOURSELF he NEVER meant it and I AM SO FOOLISH that I BELIEVED A LIAR AND A CHEAT. He doesn't think you have the hutzpah TO SAY TO EVERYONE he's that cruel and that you're just that sad.
AND THEN when the day comes when he says I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE or let's be special friends where I get everything from you but I can get play when you're not here he doesn't think you can say no because he's abusing your trust in him. He'll come around, or I don't want to lose him, or I'll consent to anything he wants because I already said I loved him and I don't lie.
But sometimes they don't know that they don't mean it right? I guess that's even more heartbreaking - because then bridges are burned that don't have to be...it makes me so sad.
The best part is when he does this - "men will be men". This is what you get. Or "he's just scared of committment" or "that was a lot for him to deal with at once". Or there is always the "give him some time and space - all men are like that". YOU MUST BE JOKING. If I did the same thing to him that he did to me I'd be a whore or a b*tch or a monster. I'd be a slut - I'd be a psycho hose beast. But when he does it he's a playa. He's a serial bachelor and he becomes MORE ATTRACTIVE to all the women chasing him, to the woman who always thought that he was cheating on her with me when he was cheating on me with her. He becomes an enigma - the man everyone wants to tame. If I did it I'd become the woman everyone should stay away from. If he had any money I'd even be a gold digga. But what if he took my money? What if he drove my car? Used my stuff? Did whatever he wanted all the time and used me - then I'm just stupid for believing his crap. I should've known.
YOU MUST BE JOKING ME.
THERE IS NOTHING DIFFERENT BETWEEN THIS AND THE BABY BABY BABY I'M SO SORRY AFTER HE HITS HIS GIRLFRIEND EXCEPT THAT NOW MY SOUL IS DESTROYED...and those bruises will NEVER heal...at least without Christ...
THIS IS STRUCTURAL VIOLENCE AND I FOR ONE WILL NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
and you shouldn't either
but what do you do when you really belive he didn't mean it - are you just stupid or is he really not as bad of a person as he thinks he is?
Either way - good luck and godspeed to those who fight this everyday - his children shall not e crushed in court without defenders anymore
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