This One's For You

So, as this vacation has been going by [1 and 1/2 weeks already, u know?], I've been wondering about what it is like to grow up. My mom and dad were married around my age, and soon after [a year or 2 or something] had me. Jon followed just 15 short months after. But, I still come home whenever I can over the holidays because I'm really close to my family, & I like it that way.

I guess what I'm really wondering, is when do you become to old to "come home" and when do you just start "visting"? My dad once told me that home is where you are, and where you can be - not some actual tangible place or location. And although my parents are pretty smart and between the both of them could probably figure out the answer to the Middle East Peace Crisis, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to disagree there. There's something about a place just being home that makes the difference. I really love this house. I've seen it under 22 different coats of paint at least. I've watched it go through different colored carpets to tile to wood. I've seen the kitchen and bathrooms redone, and the new den put in. Pets have lived [and some have died or "left us"] here: I'll never forget having to take my own beloved Siamesse cat to be put to sleep when she became mentally unstable.

I love my church home here; it's so much more than just a place I go. It really is my community of faith - I grew up in it, since I was 8 or so. Not a time goes by @ school when I don't hear the lyrics to "Santo! Santo! Santo!" in my head [in Spanish] when we sing "Holy! Holy! Holy!" I've been to camp with people here, and taken their kids to camp as I grew up and became a counselor. I've worked the sound booth, done MOPS, helped in the nursery & sung @ funerals. I love this place - a place where the people know me when I come home, and I can pick up right were I left off it seems. The people here truly love my family and myself with the love of the Lord. Sure, there are rough and tough times and some people with thorns on them, but what field of flowers is perfect? None, but this one is definately part of God's flower garden...
I've seen Joshua grow up here it seems, and Jon and I too. I've seen my parents grow older in age, but they always look the same to me u know? There's something about the Valley, I love it. It IS home.

A lot of kids my age [and face it people: we still are all kids for the most part] seem to have this desire to get away from their parents and siblings and other family. And if not that, at least they don't have any particular desire to come home or go home to them. I feel sorry for those people - it bothers me that other people weren't as lucky as I was - as I am. It is my earnest prayer, that I will be the kind of parent to my children, that my parents were to me. They did everything right - I'm a faithful Christian struggling daily to do what I hope is right. But you know what?-they taught me so well I just try to be like them. I'm pretty patient at school and with my Congressmen and my "Freshman" and my friends, I'll handle a lot. But you know what, I've never seen ANYONE as patient as my mom. If I had to spend my day with 20-30 fourth graders like the ones she's got, I'd be on the fast-track to nutz-ville. Kudos mom. U know what else? So, now I'm working from 8-5:30, and I'm tried as crud when I get home. At school I'm tired too, but there's something different now. When I come home at lunch, I'm cleaning up the mess I made in my room getting ready for work. After work, I just want to pass out. It's all I can do to work on a law school application or clean the kitchen or help with dinner, feed the dog or whatever. Now, here's my mom, up @ 5:30 in the morning coming home after school, and cleaning and shopping and cooking and cleaning some more and helping Joshua with his homework [and Jon and me in our day] and decorating and writing cards to people and making presents and sewing and teaching Sunday school and spending time with my dad and like NINE GAGILLION other things, and she never seems to miss a beat. And, when I'm too cranky to do one little thing, she doesn't burn me up with laser eyes, she gives me what I deserve. Man, way to be mom. Way to be. [Then, she'll talk to my aunt, uncle, and grandma too, and cheer them up - like always.]

Then there's my dad. I'm telling you man, my dad knows EVERYTHING [and perhaps his worst and only fault, is making sure you KNOW IT when you CLEARLY seem to know NOTHING.] My dad doesn't just know stuff though - HOW TOOs, he knows WHATs and WHYs. My dad is the kind of person, who seems to command attention. He doesn't say much you know, when he's in a room full of people discussing something. What I mean is, he doesn't talk too much - doesn't make sure everyone knows how smart he is. He ponders, listens, and weighs. But when he does talk, everyone [except sometimes his stupid kids, like me] listens. He's wise u know? And what a source for wisdom. I ask my dad's advice on so many things and I trust him. I know he knows because he just, he just does. If I can grow up to be half as Jedi-Knight as my dad, man I'd be rollin' in the coolness.

My mom and dad are dedicated too, let me tell you. Choir concert, tennis tournament, soccer team: you name it and they're there. At least one of my parents have seen EVERYTHING I've ever done, and my brothers too. And besides that, they were always ready to make a sacrifice so Jon could have those basketball shoes, I could have that dress, or Joshua could have that camp. If we wanted it really badly, and especially if we needed it or it would help us as we grew up, they would do EVERYTHING to make it happen. When we were younger and money was MUCH tighter, they'd cut back on something so I could have new shoes for my 8th grade dance, or so I wouldn't be the only one at Nationals without money to spend or a new suit. They probably think we don't know, or don't care. But I'm telling you now Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, we know. We care, and we wish there was something we could do to give it all back.

Thank you guys, also, for saying "no". There have been so many things I have wanted, and when you said "no" I thought my life was over, and you were just too dumb to know how brilliant I was. [Sound familiar to all you fellow college students out there having epiphanies??? yah...i know it does so don't EVEN try it] But you know what, you were right, and I was wrong. I am so sorry I didn't know that then, but I do now. I guess if I knew that then, I wouldn't have needed parents. But I did and I still do. You raised me right. Mom, I had no business wearing make-up when I was 13, you were right. Thank you for letting me when I was 14 for nationals [see, I was young for my age - most girls after our Freshman year in High School were 15 or 16, but I was still 14, even in the beginning of June. I had made it to Nationals in Debate and that second week in June I'd be competing against girls and guys who were 18 or even 19 and I looked like a child. I had to wear make-up to compete on their level.] But thanks for mostly letting me wait until I was 15. I didn't grow up too fast, and I'm thankful. Dad, you were right in making me drive that ugly Toyota, and taking driving from you. As much as I fought it, I'm a klutz and my hand/eye coordination skils are NILL. You were right to make me learn from you over a period of months, and take the test slowly. Thank you for making me learn and listen when I was being a brat. I'm a really, really good driver now [even though I still can't walk and not spill stuff OFF the road and OUT of the car], and you teaching me to drive so well saved my life last February, and Josh's and Melanie's and Kathleen's. I'm sure their parents thank you too.

Thank you guys, for making the hard choices. Thank you, for finding the balance between making us work for it, and letting us enjoy it. We didn't have to work in high school, even when we WANTED TO, because you knew, we'd be working for the rest of our lives. We just wanted the money to have more stuff - movies and CDs and trips to PATOs. We didnt' need that. We didn't need the stress or the horror of being sucked into the cycle of working for what we didn't need. We grew up appreciating work ethic, and the value of money. We grew up knowing that our job as students was that, and whatever we NEEDED we had. Thank you for that. I had a good time growing up, thank you.

Thank you for finding the balance between two clashing cultures. I always thought that I was lost somewhere, like that movie "in translation" beause Jon, Joshua, and I are different from both of you. We're half and it's hard. But you know something - you showed me the answer. It was there the whole time. Family and God come first - your culture comes out of there first. The rest is elevator music. Thanks dad for teaching me Spanish, and thanks mom, for teaching me it's rude to use it to exclude others from understanding you. Thanks mom for making enchilladas and thanks dad for letting me get my hair cut before I was 15 [because at the rate my hair was growing multiplied by it's thickness, I wouldn't have been able to walk!!!] Thanks for the songs in both languages and celtic music. Thanks for both of my extended families, rich in culture with disclaimers: I'm me - not them or you or a check-box on the census. I'm a child of God and your daughter and whatever I want because you taught me to decide.

Thanks for teaching me discipline. I knew, when I made a C in Medieval and Renn. French Literature, that you'd understand. I knew that you would know how hard I tried, because you taught me that. You taught me to do my homework and do it right and well. But you know something else, you two also taught me, that it's ok to go to sleep if I'm tired, and it's ok not to be good at everything. You didn't expect an "A" unless that was within my reach. If I could do my best and get it, that was what I should strive for. But if not, that's ok too. You taught me a very valuable lesson. It's a lesson I know, and try to pass on while struggling to remember it myself: everyone is different. Just because you expected different things from each of your kids didn't mean you loved one of us less or more: it meant you loved all of us enough to care who we were as people. So, I've learned from you people and God first, stuff, money and grades later.

Thanks for listening to me read outloud, to my love for music, and my random stories. Thanks for letting me love Law & Order, and for FINALLY saying I was old enough to watch cheers. Thanks for screening EVERY SINGLE BOY I've ever gone out with: thanx for putting your foot down. I know how important what I read, watch and read is: and who I do those things with. You made the difference in how I make my life's choices.

Thanks for supporting me when I quit cheerleading, track, tennis, soccer and volleyball for speech and debate through the years. Thanks for being there when you had no idea WHY I needed ANOTHER TUB or SIX MORE 31-pocket xpandos @ $15 each, or why Cindy had to be picked up with me in Mercedes, or why it was ok to miss a week of school because of the stomach flu but catch the plane Thursday afternoon to State anyways. You have no idea how much debate means to me, but you care as if you knew. It's wonderful and thanx to you, I know the trophies don't make me who I am, and sometiimes I think I'm the only person at tournaments who knows that.

Bottom line? I know that some people my age have kids, and get married, and they're certainly old enough too I suppose. If they are, they are, u know? What I mean to say is, I've reached the point where I know that I behave differently from other people at school. I'm self-sufficient, and I'm gonna make it. You gave me that. I could do it on my own, all alone and I would be ok. I wouldn't be lost or mugged. I can read a map, shop, cook, clean, take care of my car, sew my clothes, read good books, study, and manage a house. [I'm still working on the checkbook thing...:-)] You know what though, I WON'T do it on my own. That's my choice now. So I hope you guys are all right with that. I'll always call you mom on Saturday, and dad, I'll always call you before work on Tuesday. I'll always be home for Christmas. I'll always take care of you and help you and do what I can, ok? I'll tell you right now, a Human Rights Attorney for the government doesn't make beacoups of money. But I'd give you every paycheck I ever got if I thought that would make up for what I've put you through, and what you've done for me. I can admit without being obnoxious, that I'm pretty bright. The problem is, I was too brilliant for my own good. I learned too many words too fast and learned to read to early: I was precocious. My whole life, especially when I was younger [baby teenager], has been me trying to catch up with my brain. But you guys put up with a 3 year old who had a bigger and more annoying vocabulary than most kids twice her age, a 5 year old who thought she had a constitutional right to Fraggle Rock, and an 11 year old who knew the Bill of Rights by heart and SWORE that the 1st amendment applied to her right to listen to a radio station she shouldn't be listening too. You know, I've actually considered working in a corporate [immigration and labor law mabye] or a defense law firm for a while, to make ACTUAL MONEY. And you want the truth...it's not for me, it's for you. I want to buy you that house you've always wanted Mom, and a life-time supply of Pier One things and paint from Dutch Boy. I want you to have a room like Rachel Ashwell in Shabby Sheek, so you can do whatever you want whenever you want. I want you to have your own antique stores, and I don't want you EVER to worry about what will happen. Dad, I want you to have that barracuda you want, and I want to help you take care of Abuela. I want to pay off your medical bills. And when the time comes, I want you to have the best transplant surgeon money can buy. I want you to have every gangsta movie ever, and a permanent pass to the movies [one for you and one for you movie buddies - acie and mike and etc.]. I'd buy you a kidney if I could dad. I love you both so much.

Just remember this then, ok? Maybe I can't buy you what you want, but I'll alway love you and always be home with you when the time is for family. And every person in slavery I pray for, and every child prostitute I weep for, and every SINGLE PERSON I free from the bondage of injustice is not just for each one of them, and because of God, it's because of you. I love everyone because you taught me to love EVERYONE. I always cry and even though that makes me sensitive, it's because you taught me that every little choice matters. So every time I see a picture of a child who is oppressed I will cry. But my tears mean my heart is moved and I will fight for them, and maybe I wouldn't if I didn't cry. And maybe I wouldn't cry if you had not shown me to care and be vigilliant always, and told me it was ok to care. I will be dedicated and never give up on these people not because I think I'm so great and can help, but because I know how great I'm not. I know that I am nothing without Him, and so that could easily have been me. It is obvious what's right, and you always taught me to find it, know it, and do it. I won't try, I just will. I will love this people, like you loved me and everyone you ever knew or met. I will fight with all the determination you show in everthing you do that's right. I will never give up and I will most of all trust in Him who will help me, just like you taught me. Thank you for making my dream come true; I'm an angel. See, in God's word, he says he will hear the cries of the oppressed, and he will save them. But, the scriptures say that instead of just doing it himself, God will send his servants and messengers to save the chained, and the enslaved, the widow and the orphan and the oppressed. God will call some people to deliver those in his name - angels of justice. You have raised me to grow up loving and serving so much that I just cannot turn away from the injustice, not when God has blessed me with the ability to help. I'm an angel of justice [Layne first called me that, showing me what the scriptures said about the subject], and I'm so excited. Remember mom, when you said not to be so concerned with injustice that i miss the justice? I won't, I'm not. You guys taught me that everything around me is improtant, and more stuff isn't. That being said, I'm so happy and appreciative of every freedom I have and the beautiful flowers growing in the yard and my brothers and just everything, that I want to get what you've given me for everyone. I'll live my life seeking Justice, for God, because of you.


I know I probably won't come back to stay after I graduate law school, this just isn't where I'm meant to be, because more than likely the kind of law I want to practice and need to practice won't find me here. But I will always think of it as home, and someday I'd like to come here to stay.

So, as I make my way there you two: thank you.

This one's for you.



John 3:30
Issiah 1:17